Ms. Neki works to harmonize body and mind through bed spa treatments.
In her days of supporting others, she visited nehan seeking time to face her own inner world.
What she experienced there was three days of reconnecting with emotions deep within herself through breathing, and reclaiming her authentic self.
Decided to Give It My All
Before the retreat even began, Ms. Neki held one firm resolution.
Neki
I had decided within myself that I would give my all to this retreat, so with that as my goal,
I approached it without judgment but with full commitment.
“No judgment, but full commitment”—this attitude becomes an important stance in nehan retreats.
Living in modern times, we’re accustomed to interpreting what we feel in daily life through thought, judging things as “good/bad” or “right/wrong.” However, a person’s essential values rarely emerge from conclusions reached through thinking alone.
During the retreat, various memories and emotions surface. What matters then is not to analyze or evaluate them, but to first fully feel what is inside yourself.
Only by opening your senses to each event and emotion can you truly see what you value most deeply.
Childhood Emotions Overflowed
In the first breathwork session, unexpected emotions surfaced from within Ms. Neki.
Neki
When I entered (the breathwork), tremendous sadness came up—
something I had been aware of before, but this great wave of sadness emerged.
Neki
Especially emotions like “I want to be understood,” like a young child’s feelings, came up so much.
Tears naturally overflowed, and I just kept feeling that during the first session.
In breathwork, by intentionally repeating fast, deep breathing, carbon dioxide levels in the blood decrease, causing changes in cerebral blood flow and neural activity. This brings about what’s called an altered state of consciousness—a state different from ordinary awareness.
In this state, unconscious memories inaccessible to normal consciousness—childhood experiences and long-suppressed emotions—can surface.
Neki
But after that ended, I felt incredibly refreshed.
Rather than suppressing emotions, simply feeling them fully as they are.
When emotions you usually keep covered naturally well up, it’s a sign that your heart is ready to face unprocessed experiences.
Sensations Changing With Each Session
As she went through the second and third breathwork sessions, what was happening inside Ms. Neki gradually began to change.
Neki
After doing yoga, I think I could enter relaxation mode because of that,
but there was definitely tremendous tension about living communally with strangers.
Even with tension in an unfamiliar environment, she continued facing her inner self.
Neki
The second (breathwork) felt like being in amniotic fluid.
While floating there, the sadness from the first time had faded.
Instead, a bit of anger and guilt-like feelings came up, and it gradually changed.
In altered states of consciousness, various visions and sensations can arise for different people.
Ms. Neki seemed to be experiencing emotions that shifted one after another while enveloped in sensations different from usual.
Neki
In the third session too, some thinking remained.
With each session, the sensation of what was welling up within me changed little by little.
nehan retreats emphasize not applying unnecessary judgment or thinking to your inner experiences. What matters is not what comes from thought, but simply witnessing what surfaces based on bodily sensations, exactly as it is.
Then, on the morning of the final day—a clear change came to Ms. Neki.
Neki
As I approached today’s final fourth session, when I woke up this morning, I felt incredibly light.
Until then, maybe because I was exhausted from releasing all that sadness, I felt a bit heavy,
but it felt like space had opened up within me, and I felt so light.
When you fully feel suppressed emotions and express them through tears or other means, you gain a sense of liberation as if a heavy burden has been lifted from your heart. This can be called psychological detox—the stress responses caused by suppressing emotions are alleviated, making it easier to relax.
In psychology, this phenomenon is called catharsis (emotional release).
Space created within the heart. It was the open area that emerged where something long-carried had finally departed.
The World I See Has Changed
Neki
What I gained during these three days was trusting myself, and because I was able to face my heart so deeply,
I feel like I reclaimed my axis—the radiance and flame that was originally inside me.
Neki
The world I see within myself has changed.
Thank you.
It hadn’t been lost—just unseen.
Here, she was able to reclaim the unique light that had always been within.
Experiencing various sensations and emotions in a state of consciousness different from usual.
Through that experience, past events begin to take on new meaning, and what you truly cherish becomes clearly visible.
Through breathing, reconnecting with emotions deep within yourself, and releasing what had been suppressed.
What awaited beyond was the sensation of “trusting myself” and a new version of herself with her inner radiance reclaimed.
The three days Ms. Neki spent at nehan may have become time to return to her authentic self.
