A little before participating, Mr. Kawaguchi says he had been spending more time thinking about himself and what lay ahead.
Work wasn’t going “incredibly well,” nor was it in a “really bad” situation.
Even so, he had lost sight of “what’s truly important for me going forward,” and days continued where he couldn’t focus on work.
Against this backdrop, we asked Mr. Kawaguchi about the experiences that unfolded within him during the three days of the nehan retreat he attended.
A Retreat That Started With “Just Showing Up”
Mr. Kawaguchi
At first, I really didn’t know anything and just showed up, that’s how it felt.
I didn’t know what we’d be doing, and I was anxious but also excited at the same time.
Mr. Kawaguchi reflects this way.
nehan retreats don’t provide detailed explanations of the content beforehand.
The retreat begins without knowing what will happen.
Mr. Kawaguchi
I had been thinking a lot about who I really am.
My work wasn’t going super well, but it wasn’t a terrible situation either.
There wasn’t a major problem.
Even so, he had lost sight of “what’s truly important for me going forward,” and it was a period where his thoughts kept spinning endlessly.
Mr. Kawaguchi
I couldn’t focus on work at all.
In this state of mind, the three-day retreat arrived.
With encouragement from someone he trusted, he participated with a feeling close to “just trying it out.”
But looking back, it seems he was able to participate at the perfect timing.
Mr. Kawaguchi
I’m truly glad I could participate at that timing.
All the Confusion I Was Holding Was Released
As the retreat progressed, Mr. Kawaguchi engaged in breathwork.
Even without understanding its meaning or mechanism, he says he felt his body responding as the work continued.
Mr. Kawaguchi
Honestly, I didn’t really understand the breathing either, but I screamed a lot, thrashed around a lot, cried a lot, and laughed a lot.
During the work, these reactions happened one after another without him realizing it, and before he knew it, what had been accumulating inside Mr. Kawaguchi was overflowing outward.
Mr. Kawaguchi
It felt like all the unclear, subconscious parts of myself—all the confusion I’d been carrying—were completely released.
Time Away From Digital, Completely Facing Yourself
One of the most impactful experiences for Mr. Kawaguchi was spending time completely disconnected from digital devices.
Mr. Kawaguchi
When they said they’d hold onto my phone, I honestly thought there’s no way I could do that.
In everyday life, smartphones are constantly at hand. He says he felt strong resistance to letting it go.
Yet ultimately, Mr. Kawaguchi went through the entire three days without touching his phone once.
Mr. Kawaguchi
In the end, I never asked for it back even once, and I made it through all three days.
Surrounded by nature, disconnected from digital devices, time continued without talking to people or making eye contact.
For modern people living while receiving massive amounts of information from outside, digital detox is extremely effective for deepening inner observation.
Mr. Kawaguchi
I think that was probably the most I’ve ever been away from digital devices in my entire life, even since I first got a phone.
Without information coming in from outside, awareness inevitably turns inward.
No need to worry about others’ eyes. No need to be conscious of social norms. A space where you can simply savor what you’re feeling.
Mr. Kawaguchi
In this nature, away from digital devices, truly facing myself.
Mr. Kawaguchi
There were also experiences of not talking to people and not making eye contact. I could really face myself.
Mr. Kawaguchi
I think these became incredibly important three days for the rest of my life.
A Sensation I Couldn’t Reach Through Thinking Alone
Mr. Kawaguchi says he’s originally someone who thinks things through a lot.
Mr. Kawaguchi
I have this habit of thinking constantly—always considering reasons why something won’t work, reasons why it will.
Why am I struggling with this? Why am I suffering so much? I was in a state of trying to solve everything through thinking.
Thinking itself isn’t necessarily bad, but nehan retreats approach participants’ own truth that thinking alone cannot reach.
Mr. Kawaguchi
Through this retreat, I feel I was able to touch something beyond thinking—the emotional parts, the essential human parts.
Mr. Kawaguchi
Emotions, and within those emotions, my subconscious awareness—the meaning of living and working from truly deep places, family, precious people. All of that was there.
Through breathing and bodily responses, sensations that had been buried deep in his consciousness seemed to emerge.
Mr. Kawaguchi
This life is truly wonderful, incredibly filled with love—both life and the world.
I experienced a new world not trapped by thinking, and honestly, it’s this easy feeling, this excitement about what’s to come.
Time spent touching sensations buried deep in consciousness through breathing and bodily responses.
For Mr. Kawaguchi, it may have been an experience that changed how he sees the world itself.
The Sensation I Want to Cherish in My Life Ahead
Mr. Kawaguchi
From now on, not just through thinking, but also considering what kind of person I want to be, in what kind of world, doing what kind of things—I truly feel I want to live the best life with my precious people. These three days made me genuinely feel that way.
What he couldn’t see when trying to move forward through thinking alone.
By returning to his senses, something naturally welled up within him.
For Mr. Kawaguchi, these three days at the nehan retreat may have become “time to return to his original senses.”
