Four years into running his company, business had gained momentum and was steadily growing.
Yet deep in Mr. Tsuge’s heart, there was something he had been avoiding all along.
“My authentic self probably isn’t meant for a life of climbing relentlessly in capitalism.”
He had vaguely sensed it. But he was afraid to face it directly.
Through the nehan retreat, what he finally arrived at was his true self, beyond the image of “what he should be.”
Something I Couldn’t Quite Grasp
The nehan retreat progresses over three days, centered on multiple breathwork sessions.
Until the final day arrived, Mr. Tsuge couldn’t quite grasp something.
Tsuge
There were parts I really couldn’t grasp. And with breathwork, there’s this fear of actually discovering your true self.
“Discovering your true self”—where does that fear come from?
Tsuge
I’ve been running my company for about four years now, and I had vaguely sensed that my authentic self probably isn’t meant for a life of climbing relentlessly in capitalism.
Tsuge
But I was afraid to face that directly, and until the final breathwork session, I had been avoiding it.
“As a business owner, I should aim bigger.”
“I should expand the business.”
Perhaps such images of “what he should be” had been unconsciously binding him.
I Saw What I Was Truly Seeking
The final day. The last breathwork session began.
What naturally welled up from within Mr. Tsuge was completely different from what he had been aiming for until then.
Tsuge
At the very end, really naturally, I saw what I subconsciously truly seek.
Tsuge
It was family love, enjoying lively time with people around me, or lying in a vast meadow—those kinds of images and words.
Tsuge
Those things naturally welled up within me, and I realized that what truly makes me happy is this kind of thing.
Growing the business and climbing within capitalist society—that might be wonderful too.
But what his soul truly sought was something simpler, something warmer.
It’s Okay to Let Go of Beliefs
That realization quietly dissolved the “belief” that had been within Mr. Tsuge.
Tsuge
I had this very strong belief that if I’m running a business, I must aim for 10 billion yen or 100 billion yen as a business owner.
Tsuge
I realized that I can let go of that belief. My true happiness isn’t there.
Not “what you should be” as decided by someone else, but what you truly want to cherish.
When that becomes visible, the landscape of the future begins to change.
Tsuge
Maybe there’s a future where that happens, but what I’m really feeling now is that loving my company members and family within a range where I can fully feel happiness—that’s what will truly let me live happily.
Even This Fear Is Ultimately Enjoyable
The company’s way of being will change. Communication with employees, hiring plans, management direction—everything might change.
Though he felt fear at that premonition, Mr. Tsuge was viewing that fear from a different angle.
Tsuge
So from now on, communication with employees, hiring plans, the company’s way of being—I feel like everything will change dramatically. There’s fear, but even the fear feels enjoyable.
Tsuge
I’ve traveled to India and Africa, and images from those times briefly appeared (during breathwork).
Tsuge
At first I thought it was scary—there are scammers and such abroad, and I’d encountered them. For a moment I thought it was scary, but even that fear was ultimately enjoyable.
Tsuge
The fear I’m feeling now about the company’s changes—I really think that ultimately, all of it is enjoyable.
A Place Where I Can Maintain My True Self
Another experience at nehan—the practice of “I am aware that I am aware”—also held great meaning for Mr. Tsuge.
Tsuge
The practice of “I am aware that I am aware” was really good too. I had vaguely sensed my authentic self, but in normal life, I really felt I couldn’t protect it.
When you return to daily life, various information flows in again. Open social media, and words demanding economic growth fly around.
Tsuge
When I see information on X, even though my authentic self wants to cherish family, there’s noise like “annual revenue of 10 billion or 100 billion is good,” and labels keep getting slapped on top.
Tsuge
At such times my heart gets disturbed, or I get swept away by comparison, but when I look at my authentic self at the soul level, I realize that’s not it.
“Finding” your true self is important, of course. But “maintaining” it is even harder.
Tsuge
In a word, I felt that here was an environment where I could maintain my true self. Finding it is amazing, but I thought maintaining it would be incredibly difficult too.
Tsuge
Being able to experience both was truly a first for me, and I genuinely want to recommend it.
What Mr. Tsuge gained at nehan was the courage to let go of “what he should be” and the sense of continuing to protect his true self.
Beyond the belief that he “should aim for 10 billion yen” were quiet forms of happiness: time laughing with family, lively days with companions, and lying in a vast meadow.
It may not be flashy.
But that was exactly what his soul truly sought.
Now, Mr. Tsuge has begun walking a new path. No one yet knows what landscape awaits ahead.
But including that fear—surely, it will be enjoyable.
