Three Days to Choose Life Anew

The biggest reason was that I wanted to do something about the negative emotions I hadn’t been able to fully release. I’ve been engaged in spiritual practices for about 10 years. In my daily life, I use flower essences for mental care, and I had been able to release many negative emotions. But a few deep-rooted ones remained that I couldn’t handle on my own. I had tried other meditation gatherings and workshops, but I never got the results I had hoped for.

In the past, I had a cathartic crying experience for the first time during a group breathwork session, and I also had an experience of entering an altered state of consciousness while watching a Noh performance at a Noh theater. When I interviewed one of the Noh performers, I had heard about an old NHK documentary that detected theta (θ) waves from the brainwaves of people watching a performance, so it didn’t feel strange.

However, both of these were accidental occurrences. That’s why I was so intrigued by Yoshihiro Koitani’s blog, where he asserted that “anyone can enter an altered state of consciousness and have a cathartic crying experience.” As I had some deep-rooted emotions I wanted to let go of at that time, I couldn’t suppress my curiosity to “give it a try!” and I made the bold decision to join.

It was definitely an experience on a completely different level from anything I had participated in before.

In the first session, I felt energy accumulating in my lower abdomen, particularly around my uterus, and a sensation of being filled with white light. I was enveloped in a sense of bliss, of being “healed” and “fulfilled,” and my body naturally began to relax. Then, after my uterus was full, I had a continuous feeling of that energy shooting up through the crown of my head. The sensation was so fast and the amount of energy so great that I could feel the skin on my face being pulled upwards, and I also had a sensation of a lid that had been blocking the top of my head being forcefully removed.

It was a completely unexpected experience, and my first reaction was, “Whoa, what is this!?” It was truly a start that went beyond my imagination.

What surfaced were the many deaths of loved ones I had experienced in my life. The sadness of losing them, and the regret of thinking, “If only I had done this…” Before the retreat, whenever I remembered these things, I would fall into self-pity and get caught in a thought pattern that turned my eyes away from reality.

During the session, it all came pouring out at once, and I continued to cry as if a dam had broken. But at the same time, there was a part of me observing from above, and while confirming to myself, “I am properly releasing this now,” I surrendered myself to the flow. It was a moment where I was able to fully release the emotions I had suppressed for so long.

The final session was incredibly intense. The trigger was the memory of my pet cat who had passed away several years ago.

Even though I had noticed signs of his illness, I was scared to accept the reality and was late in taking him to the hospital and providing care. As a result, I had to choose a treatment method I didn’t want, and he passed away in a painful manner… I had been holding onto that regret and guilt for so long.

When that memory resurfaced during the session, I apologized out loud, saying “I’m sorry” with the feeling of prostrating myself on the ground. I had never been able to accept that emotion before, but by putting it into words, for the first time, I was able to forgive myself for having made an irreversible mistake. With that, the tension in my body completely released. Right at that moment, there was a part of the workshop where we held our breath, but it wasn’t painful at all; a pleasant state continued.

Then, a thought suddenly crossed my mind: “Maybe it’s okay if I just die here.” But at the same time, there was a part of me observing from above, and I realized, “I’m being tested right now.”

In that instant, I felt like I heard my cat’s voice. Ah, that’s right—both with my cat, and when a man I loved deeply at the time passed away, I had made a decision.

“I refuse to live as a miserable person, using death as an excuse.” “Instead of turning my regret into self-pity, I will reflect on it, learn from the experience, and live.”

When that memory and that realization overlapped, with the feeling of crawling up from the bottom of a swamp, I reclaimed my breath, and I re-chose ‘to live.’
It wasn’t a logical decision; it was a moment where the resolution to “live” arose from deep within.

I guess I had always been putting this pressure on myself, like “I have to do something.” That pressure was released after the retreat. I gained a firm conviction that by simply purifying and refining my own being just as I am, the various things I desire will naturally come to fruition, and at a much faster speed than before.

The nature of my clients’ consultations has also changed. Before, many of them were dealing with illnesses or serious problems, and I thought that perhaps that was my role.

Of course, that is still one of my roles, but after the retreat, new people began to appear—people who want to “live a better life,” people who consult me on how to envision a future beyond achieving their goals, people who want to create their future. I believe my own transformation from re-choosing ‘to live’ at the retreat is directly showing up in my relationships with others.

Well, first, it’s for people like me who are trapped by deep sadness, feelings of injustice, or anger from past painful experiences, and who want to do something about it. For those who don’t want to give up on their lives, I wholeheartedly want you to experience this.

Second, it’s for people who want to reach the next level as a human being. It’s for those who are future-oriented, who want to “live a better life” or “create a better society.” The pace of change in our times is so fast, so for those who want to make a bold investment to significantly raise their level of consciousness in a short period, I think this retreat is a perfect fit.

I myself have invested a lot of time and money in my studies over the years, and even among all of that, I feel this retreat offers incredible value for the investment.